Sunday, April 25, 2010

College decision choices , no money, affairs, and dysfunction

Strange the position I'm in....I've worked hard my whole adult life in various professional jobs. I've worked hard in different ways than a lot of people might think. I've had good jobs; found ways to work part time and make good money while my kids are growing; had to go back to work full-time....etc.


Now, I find my oldest ready to go to college and I get nothing but resentment. It's so strange. I'm the mom who has worked so hard and always put my kids first. On the other hand, her dad has given the persona that he's some big whig with a big job. He makes nothing....

I know that sounds materialistic. Like "poor dad" and what a materialistic mom! That's not it at all. I do nothing for myself. I have just worked so hard and asked for nothing. Now, the school she wants to go to (which is highly selective and she got in...but quite expensive even with our FAFSA aid.)


I've never typed a blog. I'm so private. I hope this is private. It's just that in this whole earthly world, I'm so sick of "covering up" to keep the family together. I feel like exposing her dad....he's a joke to me. Why have I let it go on for so long? Last week, I alluded to the fact that he makes nothing and she replied "I know..you've told us." Of course, what I haven't said is the multiple affairs, etc.


This is silly, I know-to confess on the internet. I re read and almost can't believe I'm typing this much less that anyone will comment. Where is the great digital space that will anonymously hold my thoughts for some strange reason that getting this off my chest will feel so good.... Will it? I hope so....